Tbh crows are way cooler. I’ve got some waiting specifically for a crow or crows to show up hopefully I can build a loyal crow army.

Throne to table, baby!

Thank you. At least you didn’t try to tell me I’m wrong.

“I am not a pedophile, I don’t mass murder, I don’t staple cats to trees. I’ll publicly piss on anyone I want! You don’t know shit about me, don’t tell me I can’t piss on strangers.”

That’s you. That’s what you sound like.

I own a Wrangler…

You’re fucking using it. That’s like getting diabetes by eating shitloads of McDonald’s and blaming McDonald’s for it. Or a bartender blaming Phillip morris for second hand smoke.

Assuming you’ve even got a road lol

You killed 3 fish and made a retiree not able to pay her utilities for that picture. Proud of you.

This is why most cars these days are black, white or grey. “We don’t want something someone WANTS to look at, just something that isn’t offensive to the eyes” (sports cars don’t count here)

You wouldn’t want to go 30 in that thing. You’d feel like you’re in a rock tumbler.

All he did was put up investment money.

Security guards see some shit. You wouldn’t think so; odd shifts, (most) people’s aversion to guarded places they’re not supposed to be, no expectation of anything but boredom, but nope.

You get a call to check on a flickering light and and you’re like ugh! You’re seriously gonna make me do stuff I’m being paid to do, right as I was near the end of the season finale of ______. So you roll your eyes and make a bunch of noises as you get up. It’s cool though, your show only has 10 minutes left and there’s 45 left in the shift. You’ll meander on down check it out, and think about where the show is going, then bam, you’ve got some cereal at home calling your name. But it turns out that “flickering light” is a tweaker walking an alligator and shooting off Roman candles… Please be off property, please. But you know it’s not and you’ve got some overtime in front of you while you give a statement to police and get them footage. All while your phone is blowing up with people asking you what’s going on.

In my 4-6 months as a security guard I’ve seen; an angry wife smash a guy’s car, a tornado in the distance, a flood in the building, a machine deciding to blow all hoses at once and creating a chem spill nightmare, a massively drunk dude trying to get in for his shift who was off for months for workman’s comp, a pair of off shift workers having sex in a filthy room that’s almost guaranteed to give you cancer THAT day, and a guy so ridiculously high that he locked himself in his machine (which would literally be torture if he weren’t being paid adequately for) as he slowly ate away at a giant part using a spot blast gun as some kind of protest? The part is bigger than a car door and made of thick steel. Basically he got one $600 part scrapped for the loss of a $30/hr job, and a court case for narcotics. And he couldn’t even remember the point of his “protest”.

And that doesn’t include the two years I was a bouncer.

If people aren’t already calling it haunted then I’m gonna go ahead and say those are some lazy ass ghosts.

This house looks like it’s ready for a ghost but nobody has died in it yet.

Botched witchcraft.

Came here for the roasting and I am not disappointed.

They look like some kind of creatures from a body horror b-movie.

This was my first thought.

I’m pretty sure they have to buy their own shit. That’s why none of it matches.

How do you think military bonding forms? When you’re in the shit, you’re not thinking of your country. You’re thinking of your buddies.